A few decades ago, most parents didn’t have to worry so much that their children might be sneakily watching porn. Enter the Internet page and anyone can view porn online with a single keyword and a few clicks. Children and adolescents simply take advantage of this ease of access, which has prompted a steady rise in the number of kids watching porn over the years. Around 2007, a study in the February Pediatrics found that 42% of a nationally representative sample of 1,500 Internet users ages 10 to 17 watched porn online. According to U Know Kids, that number rose to 68% in 2013 and 90% more recently.
Even more worrying is that your child doesn’t even have to search for explicit content. Sometimes they might just be surfing the internet, and it comes up. Or they might search for something with certain keywords, and the search engine misinterprets the intent. Experts refer to this as unwanted exposure. From 1999 to date, unwanted exposure has risen from 26 to 34 and then to 79%, according to the same study in the February Pediatrics. So the question is, how does a parent begin to protect their child?
Signs Your Child May be Watching Porn
The fact that your child can watch porn in private makes it so difficult to deal with. No matter how much a parent tries, they can never be with their child every hour of the day. They can’t police their child’s every move either. And even when a child becomes sick of watching porn and wants to break that cycle of addiction, they are usually too embarrassed to go to their parents for help. Ultimately, parents would have to be discerning enough to spot the signs. Below are a few signs to look out for.
- They Spend an Unusual Amount of Time on the Internet. A lot of teens can stick their faces in front of a screen all day long. There are lots of interesting things to do with a phone. Usually, many parents have rules around screen time. These rules involve the number of hours a teen is allowed to use their gadgets. Most parents are pretty strict about this because they understand the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle. Watch it if your teen always tries to sidestep the rules, especially when they always want to have their phone and internet at night. Here we discuss for Internet Safety for Children
- They Take their Device to Odd Places. There’s nothing wrong if your teen hangs out with their phone in the garage once in a while. But repeatedly hanging out in these places with very low human traffic may be something you need to check out. The same can be said if they spend an unusual amount of time with their phone in the bathroom. This behavior can easily go unnoticed because a parent can mistake it for their teen simply bathing or hanging out.
- They Consistently Have Empty Browser History. No child or teenager wants their parents to know that they watch porn. To make sure of this, whenever your child uses the phone or the computer at home, they’ll try to cover their tracks by deleting the browser history. Once or twice might not be pointing to anything. But if your child’s browser history is always wiped clean, they might be hiding something.
- They Change their Screen Whenever You Approach. This is a dead giveaway. You’d be hard-pressed to find a good reason why a child would quickly switch screens when they see you or any other adult approaching. Don’t let it slide. It might not be porn, but it does point to the fact that they may be engaging in something inappropriate online. Sit them down and ask questions in an even tone. But make sure those questions are as direct as “Are you watching porn?”
- Overly Curious About Sex at a Very Young Age. Ideally, you want your child to come to you when they have questions about sex. But being too curious and fascinated by sex at a very young age is a sign that they may have been exposed to explicit content. Your child tries to sneak in questions about sex with every chance they get. They show excessive interest in their genitals.
Other signs that your child may be watching porn include always asking for your credit card and being sketchy with details. You may also be getting inexplicable charges on your credit card or a high amount of explicit pop-ups and ads in your email.
We have an wonderfull article for At What Age Should a Child Get a Cell Phone?.
The Effects of Children Watching Porn
Below are some effects porn can have on children and teenagers.
- It Can Lead to Addiction. From the first time a child views pornography, there’s the risk of getting addicted. Addiction always begins as a harmless activity, something one does just for fun until it sneakily evolves into a necessity. According to a study in American Behavior Scientist, addiction is traditionally characterized by an uncontrollable urge, often resulting in loss of control, preoccupation with use, and continued use despite problems caused by the behavior. That preoccupation can affect children in ways that aren’t always obvious. An addicted child might start to withdraw from friends and family. Spending time with anyone else becomes a waste of time. They just want to retreat somewhere secluded and satisfy that uncontrollable urge.
- Encourages Negative Behaviors Towards Women. Children and teenagers don’t have many life experiences, so they draw from what they see around them and what they watch on television and in the media. According to a study led by Ana J. Bridges, assistant professor at the department of psychological science, University of Arkansas, only 10.2% of pornographic scenes did not contain an aggressive act. Physical aggression occurred in 88.2% of scenes and verbal aggression in 48.7%. Men committed 70.3% of all aggressive acts and 94.4% of aggression was directed towards women. The numbers above paint a vivid picture. Porn videos are very well enacted. A child or teenager will have a hard time knowing what’s okay and what’s not. They watch the dynamics in porn videos and just run with them. Porn becomes their point of reference when they interact with women. This could lead to a misinterpretation of what a sexual relationship looks like, especially when it comes to consent. This in turn could lead them to be accused of sexual assault.
- Disrupts Sexual Development. The developmental phase when teens learn to handle their sexuality is a delicate time. Porn can easily disrupt it. The result is a lack of proper control and impulsiveness towards sex. A survey by Dr. Rebecca Collins and her colleagues reported that teenagers who watch porn are more likely to not only initiate sexual but also to progress to more advanced sexual activity the following year.
- Destroy Relationships and Skews Views of Sexuality. Porn can distort a young man’s view of sexuality to the point of seeing women as sex objects. On the other hand, girls might accept abusive behaviors because they’ve seen it done in porn. When teenagers like these finally get into a relationship, they bring an unhealthy expectation of what sex should be and feel like. This increases the likelihood of being unhappy in the relationship, which leads to a breakup or divorce. Here we Talking About Sex in details.
How to Prevent Your Child from Watching Porn
Parents need to start putting preventive measures quite early. A survey by the American Psychology Association reports that the average age for a child’s first exposure to online pornography is 13.37 years of age, with the youngest exposure as early as 5. Below are some preventive measures to put in place.
- Turn to Your Internet Service Provider For Help. Your internet provider can help, depending on your service. They have controls and features like parental control and filters, both of which apply to your internet and TV. These features limit screen time and reduce exposure to porn through web blocking. Each company has a different set of controls for various applications. You just have to choose what best solves your needs. Note that it’s going to cost you money.
- Enable Screen Time on iPads and iPhones. Apple offers you two options with their Screen Time. You can either control your child’s device remotely through the Family Sharing feature or restrict their device and lock it with a passcode so they can’t change it. Both of these features are built-in on iPhones and iPads and may require fine-tuning frequently.
- Activate Google SafeSearch. Google SafeSearch can help restrict your child’s foray into the internet. You can turn it on in Chrome, Firefox, Internet Explorer, etc. The first step is to make sure your child is using Google as their default search engine. For mobile devices, download Google app, locate search settings, and filter explicit results. The downside of this is that your child can easily deactivate it.
What Should I do if I Catch my Child Watching Pornography?
It’s pretty alarming for parents to catch their children watching porn. While it’s normal to feel worried, concerned, scared, or even disappointed, you don’t want those feelings dictating your response to the situation. All children see porn. Even if they don’t want to. Instead, try the following steps below.
- Keep Your Composure. Different things will rush through your mind that moment you catch your child watching porn. You will wonder what the effects might be, how long they’ve been doing it, and all sorts of things. But what’s done is done. You might not be able to undo the act itself, but you can try to ensure that you don’t worsen the situation. And to do that, you have to remain calm. Take your time to process your feelings if you have to. Coming undone in front of your child will only foster shame and may cause them to shut down.
- Reduce the Shame. It’s possible that your child already feels shame for their actions. Try to play down the severity of the situation a bit. Note that this isn’t an endorsement. You’re just trying not to make sex and sexual feelings seem like a taboo. Saying “I can’t believe you did this!” will only make your child feel dirty. Instead, prepare them for a conversation by letting them know that it’s okay to have sexual feelings.
- Have a Conversation. When you finally sit down to talk, you need to use positive terms and be direct. You need to let your child know that you want them to have healthy sex and relationships when they’re adults, and watching porn can get in the way of that. Explain to them how porn can shape their view of sexuality, cause sexual dysfunctions, and how it can create unhealthy expectations. Subsequently, make sure to show up porn for what it actually is. Your child needs to know that porn is a far cry from the real thing.
- Leave Channels of Communication Open. When it comes to sex, you can bet your child has plenty to ask. They might have seen something in the video they watched and are curious or confused about it. Even if they don’t ask that instant, let them know that they can come to you for any questions they have. Those questions might be uncomfortable when your child asks, but you have to be as clear and direct as you can.
- Set Boundaries. Ultimately, you need to set boundaries around porn. Make it clear that it’s not okay to continue watching porn. As a measure, use filters and parental control but don’t take away their phones entirely. This can cause a whole new set of problems. However, if a child wants to watch porn, they will always find a way to. It, as always, honest and open conversation that will help your child through this.
Final Thoughts on Children Watching Porn
Every parent needs to adopt a solution mindset. Your child will do stuff you don’t understand a lot of times. But it’s not a reflection of your parenting skills. It doesn’t make you a terrible parent. When your child misbehaves, you should be asking how you can help them move forward. Kids caught watching porn are not bad or spoiled. It doesn’t mean that they’re going to grow up to be abusers or sexual offenders. Try and maintain perspective.
